Toko Buku Online Terpercaya Sejak 2015

SUKSES MEMBERSAMAI ANAK DI FASE AKIL BALIGH

Sukses Membersamai Anak di Fase Akil Baligh oleh Ustadzah Tika Faiza, M.Psi

Sabtu, 27 April 2024
09.53

Salah satu skill yang penting diketahui : untuk mengetahui baiknya takdir Allah dalam setiap situasi.
Salah satu kunci sukses menjadi orang tua: kemampuan berpikir positif. Dimulai dengan berpikir baiknya takdir Allah.
Bisa duduk di majelis ilmu, adalah karunia yang besar. Tidaklah kita mendapat kebaikan, kecuali Allah sudah melakukan kebaikan. Misal sebelum hadir di majelis ilmu karena Allah telah menggerakkan hati kita.
Kalau kita mangkel dengan suami, kita bayangkan jangan2 orang ini yang akan menggandeng kita ke surga.
Nabi Muhammad ‘alaa khuluqin ‘adzim : pemilik akhlak terbaik.
QS An Nisa

Ada 2 penyebutan untuk perempuan :
1. An Nisa: Sebutan untuk perempuan terhormat, terpelajar, mencintai ilmu dst
2. Niswah: Sebutan untuk yang suka gosip, perempuan pembisik, dst
Al Qur’an sangat menarik setiap pilihan kata.
Rabbana hablana min azwaajina.
1. Azwaaj: level yang paling tinggi dibanding yang lain. Suami istri yang level kualitasnya paling bagus, mengikuti salafus shaleh.
2. Dibawah azwaaj: imroah : pasangan yang ada ketimpangan di rumah tangga seperti istri Nabi Luth dan Nabi Nuh. Timpang di aqidah.
Ketimpangan lain: imroatu Zakaria.
3. Dibawah imroah: shohabah: tidak tegak kewajiban dan hak suami istri, tidak ada ruh.
Quran seluruh bahasannya sangat menakjubkan.
Surat An-Nisa Ayat 9
وَلْيَخْشَ ٱلَّذِينَ لَوْ تَرَكُوا۟ مِنْ خَلْفِهِمْ ذُرِّيَّةً ضِعَٰفًا خَافُوا۟ عَلَيْهِمْ فَلْيَتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلْيَقُولُوا۟ قَوْلًا سَدِيدًا
Artinya: Dan hendaklah takut kepada Allah orang-orang yang seandainya meninggalkan dibelakang mereka anak-anak yang lemah, yang mereka khawatir terhadap (kesejahteraan) mereka. Oleh sebab itu hendaklah mereka bertakwa kepada Allah dan hendaklah mereka mengucapkan perkataan yang benar.

Arahan kepada orang tua untuk punya perasaan khosyah, kalau-kalau orang tua meninggalkan anaknya sebagai generasi yang lemah.
Kunci Parenting : falyattaqullah (bertakwalah kepada Allah).

Kisah masyhur : seorang Ayah yang hidup di zaman Amirul Mukminin Umar bin Khathab. Wahai Amirul Mukminin ketahuilah anak saya ini durhaka. Kemudian anaknya datang. Sebentar Amirul Mukminin, Ayah saya :
1. Tidak pernah memilihkan ibu yang sholihah, digauli dengan murah, tanpa ijab qobul yang sah
2. Tidak mengajarkan Al Qur’an
3. Tidak memberikan nama yang baik, ju’al: kumbang yang hidup di sampah

Inti utama takwa : berhati-hati dalam mengambil sikap.

Contoh kasus : anak yang melakukan zina setelah baligh. Padahal orang tua merasa sudah menyampaikan ilmu. Ternyata salah satu penyebab : ketimpangan interaksi anak dan orang tua. Sehingga yang ditangkap anak malah hal-hal buruk.

Contoh kalimat yang menyebabkan serangan kecemasan ada anak : jangan main jauh jauh nanti diculik. Jangan main korek nanti terbakar. Dst.

Dari mana berinteraksi?
1. Memahami kenapa harus berinteraksi dengan anak dan dampak mengabaikan anak
Anak ingin diapresiasi. Usia kurang 5th: rasa aman. Usia lebih 5th: rasa percaya.
Berikanlah umpan positif kepada progres anak walaupun kecil. Dia akan merasa menjadi anak yang tidak diabaikan. Kalau kurang perhatian, saat akil baligh dia akan mencari perhatian dari sosok lawan jenis (laki-laki/wanita) selain ayah/ibunya.
Jangan jadikan anak laki-laki kita tumpul perasaan. QS At Taubah 128: hariisun.
Surat At-Taubah Ayat 128
لَقَدْ جَآءَكُمْ رَسُولٌ مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ عَزِيزٌ عَلَيْهِ مَا عَنِتُّمْ حَرِيصٌ عَلَيْكُم بِٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ رَءُوفٌ رَّحِيمٌ
Artinya: Sungguh telah datang kepadamu seorang Rasul dari kaummu sendiri, berat terasa olehnya penderitaanmu, sangat menginginkan (keimanan dan keselamatan) bagimu, amat belas kasihan lagi penyayang terhadap orang-orang mukmin.

Rasulullah bukan orang yang perasaannya tumpul.

2. Mengenali diri sendiri sebagai orang tua apakah memiliki trauma pengasuhan
Bentakan pada anak membuat volume otak anak mengecil, kecerdasan terhambat.
Salah satu kebahagiaan istri: suami yang memperhatikan psikologis istri. Istri bahagia, anak-anak bahagia.
A. Cium dan peluk anak-anak kita agar saat akil baligh tidak mencari hal tsb dari sosok lawan jenis lainnya (pacar). Harus ditenangkan orang tua.
B. Jangan terlalu sering dibentak, karena akan terluka jiwanya. Nasihatnya tidak salah, tapi cara penyampaiannya yang salah.
C. Berkatalah dengan lembut, lurus, kasih sayang bukan galak.

3. Mengetahui karakteristik perkembangan anak sesuai usia
Baligh : sesuatu yang telah sampai. Misal: rambut di kemaluan. Ayah Bunda harus menyalakan alarm, bahwa anak mendekati akil baligh. Mulai berkembang organ reproduksi.
Tanda-tanda :
A. Tumbuh bulu
B. Membicarakan lawan jenis
C. Haid dan mimpi basah
Saat peristiwa haid dan mimpi basah: ucapkan baarokallahu fiikum, Allah siap mencatat amal balik dan burukmu. Kita berjuang sama-sama ya. Berikan suasana keseriusan.
Kalau kepada anak laki-laki jangan terlalu banyak ceramah. Tapi dengan tanya jawab. Nak usia apa sekarang? Nak sudah mulai suka belum sama lawan jenis? Dst.
Begitu pula dengan suami. Mengkomunikasikan hal-hal penting kepada suami paling efektif setelah hubungan suami istri, setelah tidur, mandi.
Ayah Bunda mulai membaca buku tentang tokoh Islam yang di usia mudanya membuat hal-hal besar. Rasul mendidik para Sahabat dari kecil, Usamah bin Zaid usia 16th menjadi Panglima Perang. Memimpin Abu Bakar untuk Ekspedisi perang.
Karena zaman sekarang anak-anak sudah baligh, tapi belum akil. Karena akalnya belum distimulasi obrolan peradaban (meaningful conversation) : misal Mall yang besar, saat adzan yang shalat sedikit, kenapa ya? Bukan hanya pertanyaan : sudah makan belum? Dst.
Perlu juga mengedukasi makanan yang dikonsumsi.
4. Mengetahui nilai apa yang akan dibangun dalam diri anak
Sholahudin Al Ayyubi: flamboyan waktu kecil, suka menyisir rambut, suka main kuda cantik. Berubah setelah menghafal Al-Qur’an, dipaparkan obrolan peradaban pembebasan Al Aqso.
5. Mengetahui cara-cara yang baik dalam berinteraksi dengan anak.
Wallahu a’lam bisshawab

Q1 : Bagaimana bila terlanjur membesarkan anak dengan bentakan?
A2 : Usia berapa saat dibentak? Kurang dari 5th: terluka emosinya. Yang mungkin kena lainnya : akalnya, bila diajak ngobrol ga nyambung. Lalu bagaimana mengatasinya?
1. Beristighfar & bertaubat pada Allah karena kepengasuhan yang tidak sempurna. Allah Maha Memaafkan semua kesalahan.
2. Minta maaf ke anak saat ke penjengukan ke pesantren. Bawakan hadiah yang membuat berbunga hatinya. Selipkan ucapan Nak Umi sayang, maaf kalau dulu pernah bentak, melukai hatimu. Sepenuh cinta dari Umi yang mendoakan di ⅓malam. Akan mengubah kesan negatif menjadi positif.
3. Proses liburan, hadirkan suasana yang lebih friendly, ngobrol. In Syaa Allah akan menghapus kenangan buruk.
Kalau anak terlanjur kuliah, mengoreksi dengan cara orang dewasa. Diajak ngobrol, berdua, bawa hadiah, bawa foto masa kecil. Minta maaf ke anak.

Q2 : Bagaimana bila anak masuk pondok dan dia takut mimpi basah?
A2: Simulasi dengan air basahnya ada lengket, bau, jangan panik. Duduk dulu, baca doa bangun tidur. Bilang alhamdulillah aku sudah mimpi basah. Mulai ambil baju ganti, bawa sabun. Dikucek yang kena mimpi basah. Yakinkan padanya itu fase normal.

Selingan.
Dengan anak yang berulah, harus doa dengan positif, marah yang baik: kudoakan jadi penghafal 30 Juz.

Q3: Bagaimana jika kita sering memberikan nasihat hati-hati berucap, nanti ada balasannya?
A3: Menasihati boleh, kalau syaratnya terpenuhi :
Sudah mengenalkan Allah seperti urutan di Al Fatihah, Arrahman nir rahiim lebih dulu dari maliikiyaumiddin.. Allah maafnya lebih besar dari murkanya. Dampak bila anak tidak siap dengan perasaan bersalah : dia akan merasa dunia runtuh, jiwa pesimis.

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